Jokes and Stuff

[judyb57]

HOW TO TELL YOU ARE MARRIED

Three women, one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all
three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over
their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: 'The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw
me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made
love all night long.'

The mistress: 'Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and
I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all
night.'

The married woman: 'I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for
the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came
in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?''

 

[CareyG]

'What's for dinner, Batman?''

LMAO how true is that!! How sad!!​

 

[judyb57]

Bubba Had Shingles Those of us who spend much time in
a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't
it seem more and more that physicians are running their
practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened
to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the
receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said:
'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and
asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down
his height, weight, a complete medical history and told
Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba
what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So the nurse
gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his
clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba
sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked,
'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you
want me to unload 'em??

 

[judyb57]

Warning ..... Newly discovered illness sweeping the country.








anal glaucoma


I just can't see my ass going to work

 

[CareyG]

I just can't see my ass going to work

​

 

[moslowjj]

Re: Jokes and Stuff WIFE NEEDS CONVINCING

A Bum Asks a Man for $2
The man says, "Will you buy booze?" The bum says, "No." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No." So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

 

[judyb57]

:grinclap

 

[CareyG]

hehe very cute Moslow!​

 

[judyb57]

Dirty Pictures!


A psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test to his patient. The doctor showed the first blot and asked what it resembled.

"That's two poodles having sex," replied the patient.

To the second inkblot, the patient said, "That's a naked gal leaning out a window, telling all the men who go by to come in and have sex with her."

The doctor showed him the third inkblot.

"That's a pair of crotchless underpants," the patient said.

Unable to withstand this any longer, the doctor blurted out, "You have a filthy, disgusting mind!"

"Look who's talking!" the patient cried. "You're the one with all the dirty pictures."

 

[CareyG]

"Look who's talking!" the patient cried. "You're the one with all the dirty pictures."

Love it! ​

 

[lucky639]

If blonds have more fun.....

Do they even know it?​

 

[judyb57]

If blonds have more fun.....

Do they even know it?

Hehe, I don't know hon, DO THEY?

 

[lucky639]

LOL

 

[CareyG]

Omg I missed this one!!

3. Try Saying:

I'm sure I can get this done today....

Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

Thats a conversation me and Vix have like every day!!​

 

[judyb57]

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry
sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.
We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'P ussycat.'

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know
when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she
stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty
cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband
'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate
each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in
the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located
in the same building, next door to the vet.

The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the
doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my
husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's
P ussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells
like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who
the father is!' Then he closed the door.



Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

 

[CareyG]

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

It sure is!!!​

 

[CareyG]

 

[CareyG]

A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question,
'How did I get here?'
Her mother told her, 'God sent you.'
'Did God send you, too?' asked the child
'Yes, Dear,' the mother replied.
'What about Grandma and Grandpa?' the child persisted.
'He sent them also,' the mother said.
'Did he send their parents, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear, He did,' said the mother patiently.
'So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years?
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here!'

 

[iataz]

roflmao

 

[judyb57]