Read this, just for laughes!!!
Subject: DIS-ORDER IN THE COURTS
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
> these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ________________________________________________________ __
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh... I was gettin' laid.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ; ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
> rephrase that?
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be o ral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
> _________________________________________________________
> And the best for last:
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it i s possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> law
>
>
Subject: DIS-ORDER IN THE COURTS
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
> these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ________________________________________________________ __
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh... I was gettin' laid.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ; ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> __________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
> rephrase that?
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be o ral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> _________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
> _________________________________________________________
> And the best for last:
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it i s possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> law
>
>
