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Jokes and Stuff
- Thread starter CareyG
- Start date
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A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently. He was leaving a lake well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"OK, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited .
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH!"
"What fish?" the man asked.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"OK, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited .
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH!"
"What fish?" the man asked.
HOW TO HANDLE STRESS
1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
5. During your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the phlegm back
6. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
7. Make a list of things you have already done.
8. Dance naked in front of the pets.
9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school
10. Thumb through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
11. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next
12. Drive to work in reverse.
13. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
14. Start a nasty rumor and see you recognize it when it gets back to you.
15. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
16. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask
1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
5. During your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the phlegm back
down your throat.
6. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
7. Make a list of things you have already done.
8. Dance naked in front of the pets.
9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school
as if nothing was wrong.
10. Thumb through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
11. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next
day.
12. Drive to work in reverse.
13. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
14. Start a nasty rumor and see you recognize it when it gets back to you.
15. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
16. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask
the cashier where the fitting rooms are
Keep em coming, Judy!In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchas necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how.......?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!")
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day.............)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(Talk about a newsflash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchas necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how.......?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!")
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day.............)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(Talk about a newsflash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)
Re: Jokes and Stuff OLD MAN AT DR.S
Ear Infection.................
>
> This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office
> why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's
> wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
>
> There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist who
> insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
> patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
> this old guy handled it.
>
> An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room
> and approached
> the desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are
> you seeing the Doctor for today?'
>
> 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
>
> The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You
> shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
>
> 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,'
> he said.
>
> The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some
> embarrassment in this
> room full of people. You should have said there is
> something wrong with
> your ear or something and discussed the problem further
> with the Doctor
> in private.'
>
> The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in
> a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'
>
> The man walked out, waited several minutes and then
> re-entered.
>
> The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
>
> 'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated the
> receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
> advice.
> 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
>
> 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
>
> The waiting room erupted in laughter.
>
>
>
> Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!
Ear Infection.................
>
> This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office
> why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's
> wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
>
> There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist who
> insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
> patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
> this old guy handled it.
>
> An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room
> and approached
> the desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are
> you seeing the Doctor for today?'
>
> 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
>
> The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You
> shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
>
> 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,'
> he said.
>
> The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some
> embarrassment in this
> room full of people. You should have said there is
> something wrong with
> your ear or something and discussed the problem further
> with the Doctor
> in private.'
>
> The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in
> a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'
>
> The man walked out, waited several minutes and then
> re-entered.
>
> The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
>
> 'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated the
> receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
> advice.
> 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
>
> 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
>
> The waiting room erupted in laughter.
>
>
>
> Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!
Life's too short not to use good napkins
My mother taught me to read when I was four years
old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of
the cabinet doors was ajar.
I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she
told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second
mistake).
Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are
leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.
Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!
My mother taught me to read when I was four years
old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of
the cabinet doors was ajar.
I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she
told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second
mistake).
Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are
leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.
Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!
HOW TO WEIGH YOURSELF
1. Try letting out any gas by burping and farting.
2. Never again weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, rings, earrings, navel rings, nipple rings, any removable bridgework, tampons, glasses and contact lenses ... especially the last two items as blurred vision can be an asset.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off... to your advantage, of course.
5. Always go to the bathroom first. Take diuretics if necessary.
6. Stand with arms raised and pointing out from your sides, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?)
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
Note: You may want to stop letting go of the towel rack when you have reached your target weight.
1. Try letting out any gas by burping and farting.
2. Never again weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, rings, earrings, navel rings, nipple rings, any removable bridgework, tampons, glasses and contact lenses ... especially the last two items as blurred vision can be an asset.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off... to your advantage, of course.
5. Always go to the bathroom first. Take diuretics if necessary.
6. Stand with arms raised and pointing out from your sides, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?)
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
Note: You may want to stop letting go of the towel rack when you have reached your target weight.
This is neat. I don't know how folks figure all this stuff out. Enjoy.
1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5 CLICK ON "APRI"
Don't forget to click on "APRI" in the last box !!!
COFFEE MACHINE
1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5 CLICK ON "APRI"
Don't forget to click on "APRI" in the last box !!!
COFFEE MACHINE
MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.....
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.....
Redneck Man's pick up lines..
1) Did you fart?
Cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
Cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
Cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
But beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break
The ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
But I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
We kin sleep til afternoon.
And.... The best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
Every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
1) Did you fart?
Cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
Cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
Cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
But beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break
The ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
But I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
We kin sleep til afternoon.
And.... The best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
Every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In
Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See
If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The
Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks
You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On
Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee
Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All
Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your
Sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any
Punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip
Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you
Go out to eat...use a serious face.
11. Specify That Your
Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The
Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask
Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting
Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your
Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address
You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes
Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo,
Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're
Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over
Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You
Go."
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In
Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See
If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The
Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks
You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On
Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee
Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All
Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your
Sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any
Punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip
Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you
Go out to eat...use a serious face.
11. Specify That Your
Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The
Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask
Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting
Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your
Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address
You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes
Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo,
Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're
Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over
Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You
Go."
WHY NAGGING DOESN'T WORK...
What a Woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don't do laundry right now,
you'll have no clothes to wear."
What a Man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
What a Woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don't do laundry right now,
you'll have no clothes to wear."
What a Man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
Dear Streakers:
It has been brought to Vixens attention that some Streakers have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their streak friends.
Due to complaints received from some streakers who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with friends and family.
Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying:
I think you could have better contests.
Instead Of: You don't have a f****** clue, do you?
2. Try Saying:
She's an aggressive go-getter; an Alpha female.
Instead Of: She's a f****** power-streaking bitch.
3. Try Saying:
I'm sure I can get this done today....
Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4. Try Saying:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
Instead Of: You must be F***ing joking you brain dead arse-wipe.
5. Try Saying:
Really?
Instead Of: You must be sh***ing me!
6. Try Saying:
Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: P*** off and tell someone who gives a f***.
7. Try Saying:
I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: Don't know! Don't care! Not my f****** problem, mate.
8. Try Saying:
That's interesting.
Instead Of: What the f*** you on about?
9. Try Saying:
I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No f****** chance mate.
10. Try Saying:
It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying:
Unfortunately he's not familiar with the issues.
Instead Of: That dickhead's got his head up his f****** arse.
12. Try Saying:
Excuse me, sir, how may I help?
Instead Of: what the f*** do you want now?.
13. Try Saying:
Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f****** holidays anyway.
Thank You.
It has been brought to Vixens attention that some Streakers have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their streak friends.
Due to complaints received from some streakers who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with friends and family.
Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying:
I think you could have better contests.
Instead Of: You don't have a f****** clue, do you?
2. Try Saying:
She's an aggressive go-getter; an Alpha female.
Instead Of: She's a f****** power-streaking bitch.
3. Try Saying:
I'm sure I can get this done today....
Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4. Try Saying:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
Instead Of: You must be F***ing joking you brain dead arse-wipe.
5. Try Saying:
Really?
Instead Of: You must be sh***ing me!
6. Try Saying:
Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: P*** off and tell someone who gives a f***.
7. Try Saying:
I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: Don't know! Don't care! Not my f****** problem, mate.
8. Try Saying:
That's interesting.
Instead Of: What the f*** you on about?
9. Try Saying:
I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No f****** chance mate.
10. Try Saying:
It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying:
Unfortunately he's not familiar with the issues.
Instead Of: That dickhead's got his head up his f****** arse.
12. Try Saying:
Excuse me, sir, how may I help?
Instead Of: what the f*** do you want now?.
13. Try Saying:
Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f****** holidays anyway.
Thank You.